This is Demo Schmidt. He is working at Zoologischer Garten in Berlin caring for the otter family – right inbetween the seals and penguins pool. Though Demo likes the otters a lot, but he is convinced to be better than them. But is that true? Let’s check out some facts to decide who is the real king of the cage.
First let’s have a look at their body dimensions. Demo is a tall guy, even for a Central European male. But compared to a Central European otter, he is gigantic. Three of the otters would reach Demos size – if they could ever figure out how to build a ladder. Clear advantage for Demo in this field.
A little less obvious: both protagonists’ age. Demo is much older than any otter could ever get. The oldest otter in the Berlin zoo is about 19 years – a respectable age. But in Demos eyes that otter is still a youngster. Demo wins this category, too.
Coming from physical size to psychical qualities: Though they differ a lot among humans, Demo has a relatively high IQ of 129. An otter would rather eat the IQ test than solve it. So it’s even easier for Demo to trick his stupid little fellows. They think its time for dinner but they only get their annual tetanus injection. Demo wins, like every year.
The air is getting thinner for the otters. Do they maybe have more hair than Demo? Indeed, otters are pretty blessed with fibers! But unfortunately, if it comes to the absolute weight, they possess exactly the same amount of hair Demo does. But who wins the hair metal contest in the zoo? – the bison rules this category since forever. No chance for both of you posers.
Another delicate category: offspring. The proud otter mother welcomes up to three new otter babies every second year. Demo would need three or four girlfriends simultaneously to compete with the fertile otters – but he doesn‘t even has one. This point definitely goes to the otters.
So how does Demo spend his time then? All day long he is working for the otters to afford a little bit of free time in the imaginative online World of Warcraft where he pretends to be a big panda bear. Weird… The otters spend their days with real pleasures like eating, posing and making love. Seems like the otters are the true high scorers.
Where do the protagonists reside? While the otters have their crib right inside the zoo, Demo has to take the train to get to work every morning. Hm. And while young visitors get excited when they see the otters moving around in their cave, Demo doesn’t get any applause when he shows up on his balcony in underpants. A tough decision. Let’s not judge this at all.
But there is another facet concerning both accommodations: While Demo had to move flats four times during the last years, the otters didn‘t had to lift a finger. They also seem to be immune to things like gentrification, unemployment, splitting up and other things that make you relocate yourself. And if they would have to move, somebody would pay them a moving company. These lucky otters…
Looks like we have a draw then. Maybe you want to decide yourself who is the real No. 1 in the zoo? Choose one of the heads below and see the overall results:
WEBDESIGN: MARIUS SCHMIDT, 2015
ILLUSTRATION: MARIUS SCHMIDT, 2015